Walking on Eggshells: After-School Meltdowns and Finding Our Way Through
I remember my son coming out of school, one step over the threshold, and everything he’d stored up for the day would pour out.
It wasn’t small. It was tidal. Energy and emotion exploding all at once, shouting, crying, anger, frustration. Sometimes it lasted on the walk home, sometimes it continued for hours at home.
It felt like living on eggshells. Sometimes I managed to stay calm, sometimes I snapped, and afterwards there was always that crushing exhaustion, for him, and for me.
For a time I was dealing with it alone. I remember one day realising: I can’t do this by myself anymore. I called a friend, someone safe, someone who wouldn’t judge, because she too had a son like mine. I cracked. And that phone call reminded me: I wasn’t alone.
So… How Do I Handle Emotional Outbursts at Home Without Escalating Things?
That’s the question I used to ask myself everyday. And over time, here’s what I’ve learned, from experience, and from the work of people like Naomi Fisher, Bruce Perry, Stephen Porges, Mona Delahookie, and my own practice as an Occupational Therapist.
Anchor Yourself First
When I felt my own anger or embarrassment rise, I learned to pause. One breath out. Feet on the ground. Shoulders dropping. Reminding myself: this isn’t about me, this is his nervous system in overload.
Regulate Before You Reason
In the thick of it, logic doesn’t land. Perry’s “regulate, relate, reason” becomes a guide: first calm the body, then connect, then (later) talk things through. Often all I said was: “I’m here. You’re safe.”
Create Predictable Safe Exists
Setting up after-school rituals can be helpful: a snack ready, quiet space at home, sensory tools like headphones and blankets. These became gentle cushions for the crash.
Find Your Safe People
The day I called my friend was a turning point. One safe, non-judgemental person makes a world of difference. You don’t have to hold this alone.
Repair Afterwards
I didn’t always stay calm. But I learned that repair matters more than perfection. A hug, or saying “That was hard for both of us. I’m glad we’re okay now” rebuilt trust every time.
5 Key Takeaways for Handling Outbursts Without Escalating
Breath first. Your calm body helps calm theirs.
Less talk, more presence. Soften your voice, use simple words like “I’m here”.
Plan for transitions. Snacks, quiet, and sensory supports reduce after school crashes.
Lean on your people. Call that safe friend who won’t judge or visit our group and share Free to Grow Occupational Therapy | Facebook.
Repair, don’t strive for perfection. Connection after the storm matters most.
A Final Word
If you’re walking home from school each day on eggshells, if the evenings are long and heavy with outbursts, if you end the day exhausted, please know: you’re not alone.
Some days you’ll keep calm, some days you won’t. What matters most is showing up, again and again, with safety and love, if you need more join our newsletter subscription.
And when you can’t hold it all, call your safe friend. Because sometimes the most powerful way to stop things escalating is remembering: you don’t have to do it on your own.